Adam: It's not that big of a deal. I just don't really find people sexually attractive. It's not. [laughing] It's not that big of a deal. Um, but apparently it is.
You know, so ah, I also know though, that I'm not the only one that feels like that.
[On screen text: LGBTIQA+, Asking about Asexuality]
So, my name’s Adam. I am 26. I work as a librarian. [On screen text: Adam, 26 They/them] Although for the longest time, I was a bartender.
I play video games. I play Dungeons and Dragons. A Dungeon Master for two different games.
Back when I was like 14, 15 somewhere in there – in sort of a natural teenage emo phase. Um, I was on Tumblr a lot.
That really helped open me up to like… just the idea of diverse gender identities, sexualities, all that sort of stuff. There was one called asexual. And I'm like, oh, cool. What’s that?
And they explained, and they linked me to a few resources, and I felt like something clicked.
That… that sounds right. That sounds right.
My experience of coming out as asexual has been mostly negative.
Unfortunately, I think that is a common scenario for a lot of Ace people.
Numerous relationships fail due to sexual incompatibility.
Part of also discovering why I was asexual was my… my first girlfriend, who was my first kiss...
I felt really underwhelmed by that.
It was a lovely experience. It was a lovely time. Everything we did was like, [grimacing] is this it? It was really physically underwhelming. It was.
And I don't even know if it was because the experiences were bad necessarily. I think it was more just that I didn't really feel like I just... I just wasn't… I felt was maybe like I wasn't perhaps meant to be there.
At least when I was coming out. There's not really a lot of guide work. There's not really the best in terms of resources. It's all just, ‘Oh, you just don't feel sexual attraction’.
Well, my issue was that I didn't feel, I didn't know if I… if what I was feeling was sexual attraction to begin with. Like I ate pizza. And I'm like, oh, is that what pizza tastes like? I don't think I like pizza.
Like any other queer awakening, you’re going to feel like something's wrong. But my advice really would be to not throw yourself under the bus. Have those experiences if you want to, because hey, sometimes it's fun.
I don't regret, you know, kissing my first girlfriend. And I definitely don't regret anything with my partner now.
Don't feel like you need to put yourself into those situations. Really, really look after yourself.
And if you luck out like I did, you'll find a lovely partner.
And if you don’t luck out, then you've got a lot of free time for video games and you'll save a lot of money by not trying to go clubbing every weekend. That feels like a really big side effect I think, of being asexual.
[End of transcript]
Updated