Isha Menon: And I just Googled like, is it normal to never have felt sexual attraction? And was not… I thought I would probably get more like, suggestions for like, a brain surgery or something like that. [On screen text: Isha, 26. They/them]
People be like, ‘Oh, this is some weird, you know, problem with you.’
I'm Isha Menon. I am an actor and a performer and a writer based in Melbourne.
I thoroughly enjoy crocheting.
[On screen text: LGBITQA+ Asking about Asexuality]
My room is covered in granny squares.
I also really enjoy knitting.
The love of my life is my chubby ginger cat child, Peachy Steve.
[laughing]
And this morning he’s the light that I rise to.
When, you know, kids in high school were having crushes on people, I genuinely thought they must all be like me and making it up.
Like that it couldn't be a real experience.
Like they must all just be picking someone and saying, ‘Oh yeah, that's the person.’
As I grew older, it became clear to me there was something different about my experience, but I just didn’t have the words for it.
For me, it was a pretty wild ride because I had no idea about it. And my mother is a queer person so, I felt pretty lucky that the concept of queerness was not wild to me.
So, I think for me it was like… a Google search at like 12 am or something.
When I just moved to Melbourne, everything was really fresh.
I was like, this thing of like, I want to find the language to describe who I am and introduce myself to all these new friends.
And it was like, when I saw that word and read the definition, it was like… the first time in my life where something just clicked perfectly.
It’s taken me a few years.
I’ve had different relationships with the terms and things since then. But that moment has always stood to me as like, my eyes clocking that term and immediately being like, that’s what it is.
For me, a big part of my community has been online like a lot of ace-spec people, especially on platforms like Instagram, finding people like @acedadadvice. And just knowing that there are other people out there who are, you know, on the same spectrum as you, but who are living wildly different lives. So that it doesn’t prescribe you to have a particular kind of life.
So, I think for me, following these people online and following these communities and just seeing people all over the world, you know, in partnerships, not in partnerships, following their dream careers. Because the first thing I saw that, I was like, okay, so I’m going to be like, forever alone for the rest of my life.
And then it’s like, meeting those people and being like, you know, you can still get married. You can still have kids. You can still have sex. You can still literally do whatever.
It’s just like, I can be honest to myself about what I want.
So ...and it’s nice.
Asexuality, demi-sexuality, grace, ace and things like that.
Like, a lot of people might think they know what it means and be unaware of like, how in the dark they are about it.
There’s very little ace representation around the world and what there is, is often incorrect.
It’s often as the butt of a joke or like, perpetuating – not intending to be harmful – but perpetuating sort of like, harmful stereotypes about it.
So that would be the first thing, is that absolutely disregard everything you think you know about it.
And if it’s someone coming to you saying that this is… this is the language I want to use to describe myself.
Listen to what that means for them rather than trying to find like, a broad definition because it really does differ person to person.
Some people, for them, that means like, they’re not going to have sex or they’re sex repulsed.
For some people, they might not look or behave any different to like, someone in a romantic or sexual relationship.
The less you try and walk in there with your own assumptions in wanting to get answers, and the more you walk in there with an open mind and more of a curiosity, the healthier it’s going to be for you and the person you’re chatting to.
For me, as an ace person, if I kind of was walking around Melbourne and I saw that little A tagged onto the end of that long acronym somewhere… like, it does give me a little bit of joy to be like, you know, I am part of that community.
[On screen text: Vic. Subscribe. The Department of Families, Fairness and Housing]
[End of transcript]
Updated