Information for parents considering adoption of their child by a relative or relatives

You may feel that you are not able to raise your child yourself because you lack money or support. This, on its own, does not mean that you have to consider adoption.

Assistance and support is available to help parents care for and raise their child. This includes parenting support and day-care services, financial assistance, accommodation and education. Supporting parents’ benefits and housing schemes for single parents may be available or it may be possible to find suitable employment and use day-care services to care for your child.

A list of the types of support services is found at the end of this booklet. Your counsellor will give you names and addresses of services relevant to your situation.

Many families have arrangements whereby the child is cared for and lives with people other than their natural parent. Adoption is not usually necessary to provide security for the child. If families wish to formalise these arrangements with a legal order they may apply to the Family Court for a Parenting Order. 

A Parenting Order has a number of components:

• residence: who the child will live with
• contact: who the child spends time and communicates with
• specific issues: any other matter relevant to the child’s care, such as schooling or medical treatment.

The Parenting Order can be designed to suit the individual circumstances of the parties. The court will consider what is in the child’s best interests.

Any person concerned with the care, welfare or development of the child may apply for a Parenting Order. The Family Court requires that when a person other than a parent makes an application, the parties must attend a conference with a family consultant, and the court considers a report by the consultant.

A Parenting Order does not affect the child’s birth certificate or inheritance rights, although the child’s name may be changed. Parenting Orders include obligations on the parties involved, and parties must  comply with the terms of the order.

Most children who are placed with relatives are not adopted. Adoption is generally not necessary to provide security for the child. If you are still considering adoption for your child, this decision can be made after the child is placed with your relatives. The rest of this book discusses adoption specifically by relatives.

It is very rare for the families who care for relatives to apply for adoption when the child is young. 

It is considered to be in the best interests of children to know as much as possible about their parents, their extended family and heritage. It is normal and natural to be curious about one’s origins. For these reasons your counsellor may ask you for information about yourself, including health information, that can be passed onto the child.

Research indicates the adopted children have the best outcomes when their parents

• Openly communicate about adoption and share information about it sensitively
• Pay attention to children's views about adoption
• Readily acknowledge the differences in raising adopted children compared to non adopted children
• Support their children to explore the meaning of adoption. [1]

Most children who are adopted, including by relatives, grow up having always known they were adopted. This is considered best practice. Parents who wait for an ideal time to tell their child may find that this ideal time never arrives.

Research indicates that children have better outcomes if they are told about their adoption before the age of three. It can be harmful to find out about adoption later in life.

Adopted people who find out this way often report a feeling of betrayal by their loved ones and can find it difficult to trust people in their lives. [2]

The adoption counsellor will speak with your child about their understanding of adoption and their origins, as well as their wishes about the adoption. This will inform a report to the court.

 Long term consequences

When you are thinking about adoption, your counsellor will also talk to you about the long-term consequences for both you and your child. It is very important to consider the child’s rights and interests as well as the interests and needs of the parent(s) when making decisions about adoption.

It is important for you to realise that parents who consent to their child’s adoption often experience feelings of grief and loss. These feelings are very normal and may last for many years.

The child is also likely to be significantly impacted by their adoption.

Issues that may arise particularly for children who are adopted by their relatives may include:

• relationships in the family can become distorted and confusing, for example a child’s natural mother may become their legal aunt, and their sibling becomes their cousin
• adoption permanently severs the legal relationship between the child and relatives who are, or could be, significant to the child
• adoption can be used to prevent contact with the child’s extended family of origin, who no longer have a legal relationship with the child
• children may feel that they have to choose between different adults who are all important to them. This is painful at the time and can lead to problems as they grow older
• children who have been adopted often feel a sense of loss because their parents ‘gave them up’ to someone else. They may feel a sense of being cut off from their past
• an adopted child may blame the adoptive parents as they sometimes idealise the ‘lost’ parents in their absence, remembering only the good things about the relationship.

Alternatively, children may feel rejected and that it was their fault the other parent went away. Feelings like these have been shown to undermine self-confidence and hinder a child’s development.

Child’s Identity and Feelings of Loss

The child may experience feelings of loss in relation to their natural parents. Adopted people often report feeling issues with loss and grief, abandonment, rejection and a lack of clarity or confusion about their identity. This includes struggling with questions about who they are, where they came from, how they fit into the world and how to make meaning of this.

Children can experience feelings of loss about their relationship with their natural parents, and issues with their identity even when they have a good relationship with their adopting parents. Many adopted people have said that their loss feels more painful when it is not acknowledged by others, or they sense that their families don’t want to discuss it. It is important to acknowledge that children may have a range of emotions about the adoption and their heritage.

It is important for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children to maintain their Aboriginal identity. The Adoption Act recognises the principle of Aboriginal self -management and self-determination and that adoption is absent in customary Aboriginal child care arrangements. For these reasons, the Adoption Act has special provisions relating to the adoption of Aboriginal children.

If known, both natural parents will need to sign consent to the adoption of their child. It will be important for the child to know that both parents had the opportunity to be involved in planning for their future.

Sometimes adoption agencies are approached by both parents, and at other times it is the mother only who attends for counselling. It is important that you are aware that if you intend on proceeding with adoption and the adoption counsellor is told the name or whereabouts of someone who may be the father of the child, the counsellor must, by law, attempt to make contact and tell him of the plans for adoption. If you have particular concerns about contact being made with your child’s father, it is important that you discuss these with your counsellor.

In some cases, the court may dispense with the consent of a parent. The applicant to the adoption (the child’s relative/s) must apply to the court for the parent’s consent to be dispensed with. The court will only make this order if certain conditions are met.

Consent is given in the presence of a court official and the counsellor from the adoption service. This takes place at an office of the County Court or, in regional Victoria at the County and Magistrates Court. Your counsellor will explain the arrangements for giving consent and will be able to provide you with copies of the forms to be signed. The counsellor and the court official need to be certain that you understand the ways in which you and your child will be affected if you give consent to adoption.

Wishes about the adoption

You will be given the opportunity to express your wishes and views about the child’s cultural and religious upbringing. After signing consent to adoption, you can also express wishes in writing about:

• whether you and/or your relatives want contact with your child after adoption and, if so, how often;
• whether you would like information about the child to be provided after the adoption and, if so, how often; and
• whether you would like your wishes for contact and information exchange included in the adoption order.

Parent’s wishes are carefully considered by the court when granting an adoption order and may become conditions on the adoption order. Contact and information exchange are discussed in more detail later in this booklet.

Notification of certain events

After signing consent, you will be able to express wishes about whether you wish to be told of the following events:

• the end of the period of time by which you can revoke your consent
• the placement of your child with a proposed adoptive parent or parents
• the termination of your child’s placement with a proposed adoptive parent or adoptive parents
• your child dies before an adoption order is made
• the Court makes an adoption order in relation to your child

If you give consent to adoption you will be given:

• a completed copy of the consent forms
• a form for revoking consent
• a form for extending the time for revoking consent.

The forms include instructions for revoking consent or extending the time in which you can revoke consent. The adoption service will give any help you need to complete these forms.

Unless orders to the contrary have been made in another court, the child’s natural parents will continue to be legally responsible for the child until the Adoption Order is made by the Court.

Having your child adopted is an important and life-long decision. All natural parents are given the opportunity to change their mind within a period of twenty-eight days after the day they gave consent to adoption.

If either parent revokes their consent, the child is no longer able to be adopted.

The normal time you have in which to revoke consent is twenty-eight days. You can add up to fourteen days to the twenty-eight-day period if you are uncertain about your decision. (For example, if you add ten days you will have thirty-eight days after the day you consent to adoption in which you can revoke your consent.)

Adding another fourteen days could be helpful in clarifying your thoughts or you may wish to revoke your consent while you think more about your decision.

Once the period for revoking consent has passed your consent is final. An adoption order will not be made by the court until this occurs.

When you give consent, certain procedures are followed, as required by law. In the same way, there are certain steps you must follow if you want to extend the time in which you can revoke your consent or if you want to revoke your consent altogether.

The steps for extending the time to revoke your consent are very formal. If you feel you may need more time to consider whether to consent to adoption, you should raise this with your counsellor, who will help you with the process.

You will need to:

• Decide how many days you want to add to the twenty-eight day period. (Fourteen days is the most you can add).
• Fill in the form for extending the period for revoking consent (You must use this form. You can obtain one from the adoption service.)

Do not sign it yet, as you must sign it in the presence of a witness.

The form must be witnessed by a person over the age of 18 years, and you need to follow the instructions on the form. They must witness your signature.

Hand deliver or post the form by registered mail to:

The Registrar 
250 William Street 
MELBOURNE 3000

The form must be received by the Registrar within seven days after the form is signed. You should contact the adoption service as soon as possible after you extend the time in which you can revoke consent.

You can obtain a form for revoking consent from the adoption service. However, you do not have to use this form. If you do not have a copy of the form, write a letter giving your name, address and date of birth, and your child’s name, date and place of birth, the agency involved with the adoption and the date that consent was given. You should state that you are revoking your consent to the adoption of your child. Do not sign it yet, as you must sign it in the presence of a witness.

The form or letter must be witnessed by a person over the age of 18 years. They must witness your signature.

Hand deliver the form or letter or post it by registered mail to:

The Registrar  
County Court of Victoria  
250 William Street  
MELBOURNE 3000

To be effective, the form must be received by the Registrar of the County Court before the end of the period for revoking consent. If you post it by registered mail, you need to allow three to four days for delivery. You may ask your counsellor to help you with the process.

If the child is older

When adoption is arranged for an older child, the child must be counselled by an adoption worker regarding the effects of an adoption, and their wishes must be sought, and considered. A written report regarding this must be provided to the court. This applies to children of about primary school age and above.

Once an adoption order is granted, the child is treated in law in every way as the child of the persons who adopt the child. Your rights and responsibilities as parents are given to the adoptive parents.

An adoption order is permanent.

Inheritance

After adoption, your child is entitled to inherit from their adoptive parents as if the child was born to them. Your child may only inherit from you or your relatives if named in your will or the will of a relative.

If an adopted person has been included in the will of a natural parent or relative and their adopted name is not known, the State Trustee will make enquiries of relevant adoption agencies to find out the name of the adopted person.

Names of the child

After adoption the child’s surname may change. When an adoption order is made, the court approves the names of the child specified in the adoption application.

If your child is an older child, the court will take their preference into account in approving the child’s name. These matters are discussed by the adoption service before the adoption application is taken to court.

New birth certificate

After adoption, your child receives a new birth certificate which names the adoptive parents as the child’s parent. You will not be named on the child’s birth certificate.

Rights of parents

The Adoption Act allows you to have some rights after an adoption order is made. It entitles you to information about your child after the order is made. The order may also make provision for you to have direct contact with the child. These arrangements are outlined in more detail in the next section.

Right to the original birth certificate

At any time before or after an adoption order is made, a natural parent can apply to the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages for a certified copy of your child’s original (pre-adoptive) birth certificate.

A certified copy of a birth certificate gives full details of the child’s birth. This includes the child’s name, date and place of birth, sex, full details of the natural parents and any of their other children, and details of the hospital.

To obtain a copy of or extract from your child’s original (pre-adoptive) birth certificate you can apply online.

You will need to provide the following details: the child’s full name; date and place of birth; and the full names of both parents, including the maiden name of the mother if married.

After placement, contact may occur between you and the child (and anyone else named in wishes documents you sign, such as the child’s grandparent or sibling). This can take the form of direct contact and/or information exchange. Both types of contact can be requested. Direct contact is usually a meeting of one to two hours in a neutral place, with you, the adoptive parents and the child. Information exchange is usually between you, the adoptive parents and the child and may include photographs, letters, school reports, etc.

Ongoing contact can have benefits for both the child and parents. The purpose of ongoing contact is to assist the child’s identity development, and to reassure parents of the child’s development within the adoptive family.

Expressing preferences about contact and information exchange

At the time you express your wishes regarding frequency of contact and information exchange, you may also indicate whether you want these wishes included as conditions in the adoption order.

It is also possible to have a private arrangement between the natural parents and the adoptive parents regarding contact and information exchange. This means that the natural parents and the adoptive parents decide about the frequency of contact and information exchange, but the agreement is not included in the adoption order.

Placing conditions regarding contact and information exchange on the adoption order

The adoption order may include conditions around contact and information exchange. The judge decides whether to include conditions regarding contact and information exchange on the adoption order, and the amount of contact. The court will be guided by consideration of the best interests of the child, and that there is agreement between the parties. The order may contain conditions about contact, or information exchange, or both.

If you later wish to vary the arrangement

Any arrangements (whether in the adoption order or not) may be varied if the natural parents and the adoptive parents agree following granting of an adoption order.

If contact and information exchange provisions are included in the adoption order you, the adoptive parents, or the child or a person acting for the child, may apply to the court at any time after the order is made to change or cancel these provisions.

If contact and information exchange provisions are not included in the adoption order you, the adoptive parent, the child or a person acting for the child, may apply to the court at any time after the order is made to have conditions for contact or information exchange included in the order.

However, the court will only vary an adoption order if it is satisfied that any change is in the best interests of the child. The court cannot grant new or additional levels of contact unless the adoptive parents agrees, and the wishes of an older child have been considered. In addition, the court must be provided with a report from an approved counsellor, before altering the adoption order.

Sometimes parents need extra help and support for a range of reasons. Your counsellor will discuss with you some of the services that could assist you if your child is not placed for adoption. Such services include:

• Financial support
• Accommodation support
• Parenting support
• Day care
• Foster care
• Education services

Information about some specialist services is also included below.

Family services can help if:

• you’re pregnant or a new parent and need support and advice
• you are worried about the wellbeing and/or development of your child(ren)
• you need help to strengthen your parenting skills and develop positive family relationships
• your family needs help to get through stressful times, which may be caused by a range of reasons including separation, mental health, grief, drug and alcohol abuse, financial worries, illness or living with a disability
• you need extra help managing the behaviour of your child(ren)
• someone at home is making you, your children or another family member feel unsafe or afraid

Support includes:

• listening to you to understand the difficulties you’re facing
• helping you to explore your options and think about what you want to do next
• working with you to improve you and/or your family’s situation
• connecting you to services that can help, such as parenting support groups, services for children, family violence support, counselling, financial help, or legal assistance
• supporting you to access funding for basic living expenses and other costs
• providing information and advice to professionals if you are worried about a vulnerable child in your community.

Orange Door provides a range of services to parents across Victoria.

The Victorian Aboriginal Child Care Agency (VACCA) is a state-wide Aboriginal Community Controlled Organisation (ACCO) provides a range of services to Aboriginal parents.

The National Disability Insurance Agency (NDIA) is the independent government organisation that runs the NDIS. Partners are community-based organisations working with us to help deliver the NDIS.

If you have a child that is younger than 9 with disability, you will work with an early childhood partner. Early childhood partners are specialist local organisations who deliver our early childhood approach on behalf of the NDIS. They have experience and clinical expertise in working with young children with development delay or disability, and their families.

Early childhood partners also help families connect with other appropriate supports such as community health services, playgroups and educational settings. To find your local early childhood partner call 1800 800 110.

You can search for specialist housing or financial services close to you at 1800 respect.

If you are in danger right now, call Triple Zero (000).

Safe Steps is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week call service for women and children who are victims of family violence. You can call Safe Steps on 1800 015 188.

Orange Dooralso provides a range of services to people at risk of family violence across Victoria.

Sexual assault is a broad term that captures any sexual act or attempt to engage in a sexual act where consent is not obtained or freely and voluntarily given.

If you have experienced a recent sexual assault or need after-hours support, call the Sexual Assault Crisis Line on 1800 806 292

These might include services for contraception, abortion, pregnancy options counselling, STI testing and cervical screening. You can use our online search, to find the locations and contact details of services across Victoria. You can find a sexual and reproductive health services close to you

Your General Practitioner can assist you if you are struggling with your mental health and can make a mental health plan with you. They can refer you to mental health services which may include both private and community-based services.